I know I've only written to you on here once and I put the poem I wrote about you on here, but I write about you all the time in my journal.

Well, your 15th birthday was 3 weeks ago.We came and saw you, but you know that, don't you? Late Happy Birthday, buddy! I missed buying your presents, getting your cake, and people being at the house to celebrate with you. Instead it was very quiet. No one felt much like talking. It was a very hard and sad day. It was tough for Dad and Tif,too.

You've been gone now for 2 years and a little over 2 months. It still feels like it was just yesterday. We've just gone on somehow and 2 years have passed. We miss you so much. Sometimes I still feel like you're at Mem-Maw and Nan-Dad's or you're with your Mom and you'll be home on Sunday, But of course you never come. Our house has an emptiness now that you used to fill. Everything seems different without you here. It just always feels like something is missing.

Istill remember when I first met you. You were 4 and Tif was 2. You were such a lovable little boy and you needed so much attetion. I used to play with you for hours. Then before I knew it I was playing the Mommy role for you and Tif. I did everything for you.I gave you baths, brushed and flossed your teeth, fed you, played with you, and took care of and worried about you when you were sick. You became just like a son to me and I couldn't have loved you more if you were my own. You know I love your Dad, but we both know he didn't do much of the work of taking care of you guys. Did he? I also remember helping you with your homework, going on your feild trips, and volunteering in your classrooms. I wish we could go back to those good times and have you still be here.

You know every time I think of you, which is a lot of times everyday, the first thing I see is you lying on that stretcher in the hospital. It was just so horrible I can't get it out of my mind. Then I try to picture your face and hear your voice and laugh.

Your Dad is still having a hard time, too. He just misses you more than words can say. Our hearts are still broken. I think we both will always have a big whole in our hearts that you used to fill.

You know Tif is having a hard time, too. I've found things she's written, like poems and letters. She is so upset and I don't know exactly what to do to help her. I try to talk to her, but she won't say much. I tried to talk into going to a counselor, but she refused. I'm going to try to talk to her again, but I may have to make her go. She has to talk to someone. Maybe if I go with her she'll go. So please watch over her and try to help her through this.

I also remember when you got older and you started pushing me away. It broke my heart and then we had one of our famous talks and you told me that by loving me you felt like you were betraying your Mom. So I gave you the best advice I could and backed off and let you have your space. Then a couple months later our relationship started to change. You were talking to me more and you started showing me again that you loved me and I knew you had finally found a way to love both me and your Mom. This made me so happy. Unfortunately this was only about 8 months before you left us. I was still gratefull because at least you didn't leave with things unsetteled between us. That would have killed me.

Well, bud, please know that we love and miss you more than anything. That will never change. No matter how long you've been gone. You'll be in our thoughts, our prayers, and in our hearts forever. You will never be forgotten.

I'm going to go know. I guess we'll see you Sunday on Easter.

I love and miss you!

Sandy