Fire Away!

By Dee Jay Gordon

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I am so sick of listening to people whine and complain that I can't stand it! What a bunch of snivelers! The only thing I can determine is that, when they were little, their parents conveyed the message that they were somehow entitled to everything. Or maybe they just have too much time on their hands.

Let's talk about Shannon Faulkner. If you don't know who she is, you must be living under a rock. (For you cave-dwellers, she's the young woman who gained admittance into the Citadel, which is an all-male military school.) She felt she was discriminated against because the Citadel only admits male cadets. So she did things the American Way: She sued. After a bloody media battle, the U. S. 4th District Court of Appeals decided she was in fact entitled to receive her education at the Citadel. Yet she didn't want to shave her head, which is required of all plebes. She was 20 pounds over the weight limit, and wouldn't undergo a physical evaluation. She obviously couldn't live in the dorms with the rest of the cadets, so they bunked her next to the infirmary. And even this wasn't good enough! She became a day student. Does this make sense? Why couldn't she have gone to Mary Baldwin College (which is all-female, by the way) in Staunton, VA, which not only offers ROTC, but over 150 other leadership training classes? Because she'd rather whine!

Why would gays picket at the opening of Basic Instinct? Their gripe was that the movie portrayed gays in a poor light, as the bad Sharon Stone character happened to be a bisexual. I'm surprised this one didn't go to the Supreme Court! Considering that the vast majority of all movie villains are white, heterosexual males, I think you guys out there should start stomping around and get your piece of the pie! Dudes, you are missing the boat. You could sue and get FAME and MONEY. Maybe host your own talk show. The gay population should have been thrilled to be included in the mainstream. But no. They'd rather whine!

Now we have the female athletic teams at University of Nebraska-Lincoln complaining that too much money is spent on the male football team, and they feel these dollars should be directed at their programs. Well, Duh! UNL football generates the most income for the school, due to licensing agreements, admission tickets, concessions, etc. That's like Bob Saget (who?) getting bent because he doesn't get paid the same as Robin Williams. It's your basic economic theory of supply and demand. Surprise, surprise! They'd rather whine!

Now don't write to my boss and tell her that I have a thing against women (I happen to be one) or gays (my very good friend has an alternate lifestyle) or Nebraska football (I'm originally from NE. Go Big Red!). I'm just sick and tired of listening to the puling and griping that goes on. But I have a solution! Some computer genius should invent a device that gives you an electric shock when your voice reaches a certain decibel level. Hey, they can put a man on the moon...this isn't such a breakthrough. These whiners would eventually become trained, like Pavlov's dog. "That's not fair!" ZAP! "Why do I always have to..." ZAP! "Other people never have to..." ZAP!

Oops, time to go. It's really late and I have to have this turned in tomorrow. Why do they always give me the last minute assignment? ZAP!

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